The following is extremely sound science which will certainly ruffle the feathers of some. But, it’s science. And as a bonafide scientist it is my duty to report the truthful facts no matter the consequences.

And this is how my research went down…

You see, I have conducted research which adduces the personalities of 100% of all single female registered nurses and 100% of all single female lawyers based on a thorough study involving exactly four registered nurses and four lawyers. This study took place over the past five years, and there is a small chance that there were only three lawyers. I may have counted one twice. But I’m pretty sure there were four. In fact, no. I am positive there were four.

I told you. This is sound science. It was a very sound study.

<ahem, sounds like horse crap, you may think, and with reason>

Anyways…

Enough science talk. I’m admittedly no scientist. The best grade I ever got in a science class was a C+, and that was just because the teacher thought I was as dumb as a stale biscuit and could use a win in life. Thanks, Mr. Statton. You would be proud to know that using what you taught me, I have uncovered something absolutely profound:

I have decided that all single female registered nurses are mean and vicious people to date. And, all single female lawyers are sweet and saintly people to date.

Now, before you nurses get your panties super twisted, listen to how I came to this conclusion. And then get your panties twisted. I assure you no one thinks hyperbole is as unfair as I do. But I’m still going to use it on you today because… I’m a blogger and hyperbole buys my bread.

So where were we? Oh, yes. All nurses are mean and vicious people to date. All lawyers are saintly and sweet.

This idea started years ago when I setup a date with a very pretty woman who happened to also be my first date with a registered nurse. I expected her to be sweet and kind, just like all the nurses I had ever met in my hospital adventures.

She and I met at a bar for drinks. Well, I met there. She was half an hour late, with no apologies. I was about to leave when she walked in. But she did walk in, was as pretty as she was in the pictures, so I forgave her as she sat down next to me. Before the bartender could even ask what she wanted, she reached out, and with the haunting voice of a demon mixed with the frantic squeal of a wild boar, she grabbed my leg which apparently had been shaking, and she grumbled, “STOP SHAKING YOUR LEG.” She was then super mean for the rest of the 30 minutes we spent together, and I went home alone. Happily.

A few weeks later, I went out on a date with my first lawyer. This should be interesting, I thought. I expected her to charge me two hundred dollars an hour for the date, and to round the price up. I expected her to tear apart everything I said and look for holes in all of my stories. She did none of that. She was just nice, and kind, and funny, and she was laid back, and chill, and just a pleasure to be out with. We spent hours together, gabbing the night away. And I still went home alone. That’s my life, folks. Going home alone is always my life.

Fast forward who knows how long…

Date number two with a nurse. Almost the exact same thing. Demanding. Impatient. Easily annoyed. Distant. Uncaring.

Fast forward to my second date with a lawyer. It was years ago and though it never went anywhere long term, we are still friends to this day because it was such a good date, and she is such a kind person.

At that point I started connecting some dots.

Over the next couple years, I went out with two more nurses and two more lawyers. It just happened that way. I don’t know why.

And sure enough.

 

Both nurses were just total beasts to me. Mean. And rude. And uptight.

 

Both lawyers were amazing. And relaxed. And overly kind and caring.

And with time I think I realized why… And it makes sense.

I mean, think about it.

If your job, for twelve hours a day (nurses usually work long shifts) is taking care of people, listening to demands, dealing with highly sensitive people and heightened emotions, and to keep a smile on your face while you do it… you’re probably going to come home and just be drained. The thought of being overly nice to anyone else must just be overwhelming.

And, if your job for twelve hours a day (lawyers usually work long hours, too) is to work people over, and look at everyone as a liar, and find ways to beat systems that you know aren’t right, and to fight fights all day long… you’re probably going to come home and just be needing to feel like you’re a good human being again. And like you’re not a vicious and heartless person. The thought of being overly dramatic or cruel to anyone else must just be overwhelming.

And so, nurses. Tell me how off the mark I am. And lawyers, poke holes in my stories and conclusions. Am I wrong?

Did I just get unlucky and lucky in the four of you I went on dates with from each profession?

Is it just coincidence that not a single date with an RN led to a date number two, but I went on at least three dates with all four lawyers because I just liked them so much and we got along so well?

Or, am I just a blabbering idiot who needs to shut his trap before you shut it for me?

I don’t know anything at all but what I’ve seen. And I’ve seen enough to draw my own conclusions about all of y’alls.

 

Read More

How a Meddling Mother Nearly Ruined My Marriage

How We Rebuilt Our Marriage Through Therapy

Saving a Marriage After an Affair

Can Marriage Survive Infidelity?

Is Your Marriage a Partnership or a Prison?

Keep Him From Walking Out That Door

Managing Expectations in Dating

Why I Believe In Marriage

Dating Advice From Happily Married Couples

The Man or the Money

Walk Away From Parental Control in Relationships

When You’re Stuck in the “Casual Dating” Zone

A Necessary Courtesy or Just Overkill in Online Dating?