You know, its so easy to fall for someone who makes the hormones boil and the senses reel. It can be kind of fun to lose yourself in the delirious nature of lust at first sight. So, what happens when you get into a relationship and fall in love with the person but not the relationship?

Perhaps for some of you, this is an obvious thought. Of course, you’ve got to love the nature of your relationship as much as you love the person. If you don’t, then you’ll be forever unhappy. But for those of us late-comers, who may be just uncovering this thought… can you be madly in love with someone but not madly in love with your relationship?

I’m thinking that we may be a nation of people who live in relationships we don’t love. We have a cultural dictate of “love is all we need” and “love conquers all.” But does it really? If you are in love with someone completely incompatible and take that into marriage, does it consequently lead to divorce? Or does “love” solve all issues?

My pragmatism gets in the way of my idealistic dreams from time to time and this is one of those times. I would love to say that love fixes everything, but I’m not sure that it does. Perhaps if we were able to love perfectly, then maybe, but we are, after all, only human. And there is nothing perfect about the human nature as we all have our days of selfishness, bad moods, critical thoughts, worry, etc. So, being human and in relationship with each other… if you had to pick one or the other… would you pick being in love with the person or being in love with the relationship? I know, ideal world — BOTH!! *hands up waving in the air*

To look at juxtaposed examples… I’m in love with a boy who doesn’t treat me right or make me feel loved. But for some reason, I love him anyway. OR I’m in love with the relationship I have with a boy and the way it makes me feel, but I’m not in love with the boy. (I’ll go into a whole other blog about relying on “feeling” to determine love. But for this, it works.)

Does it make you mad that I even ask the question? It did a few of my friends who were adamant that you needed to have both before deciding to stay with someone. But in reality, do we really walk that talk? I know society would tell us we are broken if we stayed in scenario one but scenario two, many would say stick with it and you’ll eventually fall for the guy who makes you feel so loved. I tend to think that there is something broken about choosing one or the other without both, but I’m finally coming to that conclusion after years of picking one or the other and seeing the fall out from broken hearts on both sides.

And if you are with someone, and not in love with the relationship or love the relationship but not the person, do you think it’s possible to turn it into a love/love situation? Or is that something that only comes with nature?

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