I went to a lesbian movie festival a few years ago where they showed a short film that asked women five or so questions about relationships. The only one that stuck in my mind is when they asked what people did with their sex toys after a relationship ended.

Many of the women said they threw them away, and one joked that there needed to be a recycling program for dildos and vibrators. I remember initially thinking, “throw them away? That’s kinda wasteful. And expensive.” But then again, I’m not a lesbian, so my toys primarily stay with me. Though someone did make the point that no matter how much you clean a sex toy, you can’t scrub off the energy of the other person you used it with.

I had my first conflict with whether or not to dispose of a sex toy(s) recently, and the vibrating cock rings in question still sit in my bedside drawer. Three of them, in fact. The person I was seeing a couple of years ago really was open to trying to make them work, hence the purchase of three and not just one, but they just didn’t, hence the purchase of three and not just one. But I liked them, and I thought “why throw them away?” Other than the fact that I can’t imagine any man being fine with putting one on that’s been on another guy.

I brought this up recently during a conversation with the ladies, lamenting what I should do with them.

“Just don’t mention that you’ve used it before.”

“Well, it doesn’t have any plastic wrap around it, and I’d be pulling it out of the drawer. Wouldn’t that look a little suspicious?”

“Clean it off and wrap it up in a pretty box and present it to him. He’ll never know.”

Hmm. But I’ll know. So the question is, do I buy into the energy equation?

Of course, on the one hand I do. I spout out about holistic concepts all the time, including this idea of some force we can’t touch, feel, or name circling its way through our every action and exchange. When you are talking about a piece of plastic or glass that has touched the essence of a person, inside, outside, around, connecting two in a deep embrace, how could energy not be a factor? Wouldn’t I be energetically be bringing the previous person into the new situation by reuse?

On the other hand, throwing an $8 piece of vibrating plastic (I know in some people’s world, $8 isn’t much, but it is in mine) into the trashcan when it isn’t broken and has plenty of life and pleasure left to give just seems ridiculous. And that’s an $8 cock ring, not a $75+ vibrator with 80 hook-on contraptions. Landfill, people. Not biodegrading.

In some ways, I’m off the hook. When I was talking to my current partner about those little vibrating pieces of heaven recently, I remembered the third one hadn’t actually been used, although we took it out of the package. For some reason, it wouldn’t turn on, so we chucked it into the drawer and grabbed the other new one. I tried the troublesome one later and got it working.

But, there’s still the matter of the other two. Re-gift?

What’s your take on reusing sex toys with someone else after you’ve gotten out of a relationship?

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