No place like Twitter shows you how unproductive we all are. The scary thing is, sometimes someone gets productive. What happens then? Twittercide -Yup, the death of a tweeter. We’ve all seen it. Or, if they do stick around, their tweets become unbearable and you’re stuck following them. Here’s an article with 7 tips to keep yourself idle and happily tweeting your life away. Good tweets, too. Not that inspired motivational crap.

Habit 1:
Be Proactive REACTIVE
Unproductive people need something to keep them distracted from actually doing stuff. Jumping to conclusions based on misinformation is the easiest and most effective way to do this. Communicate by text about important stuff. What’s lost in translation becomes fuel for your self-indulgent fire.

Habit 2:
Begin With The End MIDDLE In Mind
The beginning is exciting, and so is the end. They inspire us to create and produce. But in the middle, well, that’s where all the work is. And work is gross. So think about all that work, and then go do something fun in place of it.

Habit 3: 
Put First LAST Things First
Don’t start by writing the book. Instead, start by going into a bookstore and attempting to buy the book you haven’t yet written. When they don’t have it, don’t accept no for an answer. Keep demanding that you’ve written a book and it’s their fault for not stocking it on their shelves. Never mind you haven’t written it. If they bring that up, they are just being bullies and I think bullying is bullshit.

Habit 4:
Think Win-Win Win-LOSE
You need something to obsess over if you’re going to keep from getting anything done. Your desire to prevent others from succeeding needs to be strong. Let that desire manifest itself into hundreds of texts and Twitter posts and maybe even a phone call or two to anyone who will commiserate with you. They are also busy doing nothing so they will be happy to chat. If you can remain completely disgusted with another human being, chances are you won’t get anything accomplished. And after all, that’s the goal.

Habit 5:
Seek First to Understand BLAME, Then to Be Understood
Things have to be someone’s fault. And they definitely aren’t your fault. So whose fault are they? Well, that’s for you to figure out. The good news is you’ve got all day to work on it, because you’re not doing anything else.

Habit 6:
Synergize GET DAY DRUNK
There are some days when I’m dangerously close to getting something done. It’s like, nobody is returning any texts, there’s not shit on tv, and I almost cave in to being productive. When I feel that urge coming on, I make a really stiff drink and watch the motivation melt away. Alcohol is amazing.

Habit 7:
Sharpen the Saw.
Huh? This one seems ok and doesn’t need tinkering with. There’s plenty of other stuff to do in place of being productive but yeah, sharpening a saw would also be a really cool thing to do instead of work. So, sharpen away! Note: There may even be YouTube videos on how to sharpen saws. You could start there.

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