I woke up spooning with Hot Mess. Her tiny twin bed way too small to accommodate the two of us and extremely uncomfortable. The apartment was a whirlwind of clothes, makeup, shoes, accessories, and dirty dishes. You know, the usual.

Fortunately, she never failed to please in bed.

I quickly recalled a few details from the night before:

• Our trip down the street to the CVS to pick up some booze mixers
• A failed attempt to get her up to the alarm-ridden rooftop for a hot bang session
• Being double handcuffed while she went to town on me
• Passing out together early in a fleshy heap after a few rounds
• Waking up at 4am to see four missed texts from a new girl who thought I was mad at her by not responding

I woke up again at 7:00… a total wreck.

Hot Mess had to leave for work in half an hour, but it was still easy to talk her into a quickie. Though, I’m not a huge fan of period sex, it’s always good with her.

With an impending hurricane disaster on the horizon, I left her apartment and sped home. I had a lot of catching up to do around my place before moving into my new larger room upstairs.

A few hours later I got a call from another girl of mine who wanted to stop by that afternoon.

Her: “I’ll be over there in about an hour, okay?”

Me: “Take your time.”

This one lived half an hour away in Northern Virginia. I couldn’t be bothered to drive all the way out there, but since she was in town doing brunch with a friend anyway… I didn’t mind a visitor.

Before she arrived, my roommate had convinced me to start drinking with her in anticipation of the hurricane. We had enough booze for weeks… you know, just in case.

I made tentative hurricane date plans with a new girl, despite the texts from the night before:

Me (8:29 PM): “What’s shakin’ troublemaker?”

Her (10:18 PM): “On a weird bad date… non date? I can’t even tell”

Her (10:20 PM): “How’s your night? I’m about to start taking shots and go dancing”

…Meanwhile I’m too busy to talk to her while I’m with Hot Mess on another side of town.

Me (10:47 PM): “Not bad, talk to you later.”

Her (10:48 PM): “How are you really?”

Her (11:28 PM): “I hurt your feelings didn’t I? No, you’re out gaming. If I did I’m sorry. It was unintentional.”

Her (12:42 PM): “I want to dance. I vote you journey out to (her part of town) and dance!”

Her (2:56 AM): “I can’t believe you are mad at me.”

I never checked my phone after my last text before 11pm. Whoops.

The girl that was at brunch came over that afternoon with champagne and got me even more drunk. Apparently, she’d been doing the unlimited mimosa thing all day with a friend downtown.

*knock knock knock*

I opened the door and the girl immediately fell into me, nearly toppling us both over. Yes, she drove too. We spent half an hour drinking and another half an hour fucking. Wham bam thank you ma’am… pillow talk… out you go.

With only about an hour before my date, I tried to sober up a bit while getting ready.

Yeah. Not gonna happen when you’ve been drinking all day. Well… there‘s a hurricane a brewin’.

To make it easier on my date and I, we decided to meet up at a bar closer to her place. It was a part of town that I didn’t know very well, but I was looking forward to meeting this girl and checking out a new bar. There were only a handful of people crazy enough to head out in that weather, yes I was absolutely one of them.

I got there first, dropped my umbrella off, and ordered a beer.

Quality, Belgian beer. Tasty.

The conversation was actually pretty decent and I hadn’t known what to expect. She was a good flirt too. We went through the motions of what we were doing in town, where we grew up, our ambitions, worldly pursuits, while the hurricane pounded the windows outside.

Did I mention I was really fucked up? Yeah, that was a problem on this particular night. Things got blurry and I definitely have blocks of memory missing… here’s what I do remember and what was filled in by her later:

I went for the first kiss after one of my usual playful lines, and later for a few more that seemed forced. I only remember the one. I got aggressive and basically went caveman on her, and since she was a regular at the bar it was becoming increasingly awkward for her.

This was all bad form. Bad game. Too drunk.

Afterward we left the bar (which I paid in full) and walked back towards my car (and her place) where we stopped for a moment on the street corner. The rain had mostly stopped by now.

I offered to drive her home.

Denied.

I offered to walk her the few blocks home.

Denied.

I went for the kiss anyway.

Denied.

Whoops. I guess that’s what happens when you show up shit faced to a first date. She’d seen my blog, she should have known what she was getting into.

Two for three. I call that a win.

But really, don’t drink and drive... bad news.

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